Using Christmas versus Holidays in greetings

Of course during this time of year the issue of whether to use a generic greeting: happy holidays, versus a specific greeting: merry Christmas, always seems to come up. This is what I've been hearing and doing lately.

Last Monday evening I taught a class at the University of Phoenix on Compensation, Benefits and Incentive plans. This is part of a five week human resources management course for bachelor's degree students. Because this was the last class prior to a two-week holiday break, I surprized the class with a pop quiz. The quiz was a Christmas trivia quiz - all about lyrics to Christmas songs and characters in Christmas movies.

The students tell me they all enjoyed the game-like quiz and they appreciated the 20 minute break from more technical and mundane studies. However, I have to admit that when planning the quiz I had second thoughts. Would any of the students be offended that the holiday providing the theme was a religious holiday - even if none of the quiz items was overtly religious? Would the University object to bringing this up in class? Should I ask the students if any of them wanted to be excused for the 20 minutes of the quiz? In the end I didn't ask - I just acted - and the students all seemed to have a lot of fun and so did I.

It makes me wonder if in the quest to respect diversity in everyone, I have become too worried about celebrating the commonalities that most of us (in my community at least) share.

My advice to others struggling with this would be to respect each individual, yet also get to know group, organizational, company, or community dynamics and celebrate the things shared by the group. That's what I plan to do when wishing people happy holidays and merry Christmases. My view is that the holiday season has enough room for all the holidays falling between Thanksgiving and the New Year - and each individual holiday has plenty of room to be celebrated individually by those who hold each day in a special place in their hearts.

Stop Listening for Understanding

I have the problem that whenever I listen to someone I listen with a purpose in mind. I listen in order to understand what is the issue, problem or concern I need to solve or fix.

My second problem is that I actually understand people fairly well and catch on to what is the issue problem or concern very quickly. Then, I put on my problem solving hat and jump right to coming up with a solution.

This is a problem because, as a colleague of mine, Chris, recently pointed out to me - most people do not want me to fix their problems. Most people want to resolve their own problems. What they are looking for from me is to be heard and understood.

Chris suggested (hmmmm was he trying to fix my problem?) that I should stop listening for understanding. Instead I should listen until the person talking feels understood.

How could I possibly know what they feel? Chris pointed out that when a person feels they have been understood, they become more relaxed in appearance and tone of voice. They may sigh or show in their body position or face that they have finished talking. They may pause. At that point the person feels understood.

When someone feels understood they are ready to either solve their own problem, or if they truly do want help to solve the problem, they will ask for it: "So, what do you think I should do?" they may say.

For the last month I have been trying to catch myself listening for understanding and instead replace that behavior with listening until the person feels understood. I can't say I've been completely successful in shedding my old habits yet, however, I'm making progress and I think the people who I'm listening to are beginning to notice!

Coaching Conversations

I just got off the phone with a colleague I've known for several years, although we've never met in person and this colleague lives most of the way across the country from me. We spoke of the downturn in the economy, changes in our workload, aggravations of management that sometimes can be ambiguous and send mixed messages, and my colleague's eventual goal to reinvent himself after retirement.

When the phone conversation began, my colleague, whom I'll call Tom, sounded a bit tired and edgy. He'd had a stressful couple of weeks - mostly due to that oft-time aggravating situation of having ambiguous messages from company leadership or lack of clear support from the upper level management team. I've often seen professionals and mid-level managers who truly want to work hard and become fully engaged in their organization's success; however, there is an apparent lack of a clear and consistent vision or support from the leadership team. It's difficult to jump on board the organizational train if leadership either continuously changes direction, or management alternately hitches and unhitches cars from the train showing support at times and lack of support otherwise.

As my conversation with Tom wandered a little and he mentioned a potential new direction or link between his current work and something he'd like to be doing in the future, we discussed the link between employee discipline, employee relations, and labor relations - including the differences and similarities of these human resources focus areas. The more we talked the more that future possibilities seemed to have a positive potential. Tom's voice started to sound much more relaxed and comfortable. He was beginning to see that things would not always be the way they were looking today - and that his attitude would make all the difference between a positive or negative future outcome.

The call ended on a good note - with both of us feeling better and more energized than we would have felt without working through the conversation. I was reminded of why I enjoy sometimes taking a coaching role with family, friends, co-workers, employees, and colleagues half way across the country. Conversation can be a great mood enhancer and problem solving tool. Just as a computer and the internet are the technology of written communication - conversation is the technology of coaching.

Cleaning Out Closets

I think it must be contagious because even though I am not the most meticulous of housekeepers, lately I've been cleaning out closets - not just at home, but at work, and in my mind. The closets I'm cleaning don't all look like closets. Some are email inboxes, some are piles of papers to be filed, some are stacks of books on the garage floor, some are old habits that are not doing me any good.

Last week we had new flooring installed in our home. Prior to having this done it was necessary to move the furnishings into the garage - so that there was nothing left in the rooms. This week, with fresh new flooring in place, each room is a clean slate. Looking at the garage, I've started thinking of everything that needs to be moved back into the rooms - and more importantly of everything that does not need to be moved back. At least half of the things that I had stashed in closets, drawers, filing cabinets, and various nooks and crannies don't serve a useful purpose. They are there because "sometime" we "might" use them. I have just gotten my family's permission to not move everything back into place. Instead, we will move back only the items we need or use frequently. The others will go into two piles - one to be sold or given to others and one to be tossed in the trash or recycle bins.

It has been so refreshing to only move back in those things we need or use frequently.

So, the contagion has started to spread - I cleaned off my desk at work today; I deleted emails older than 6-months from the folders I had set up to store them "in case I might need to refer to them"; I took the inbox off of my credenza so that mail cannot pile up in it. That was very refreshing too.

Now, the contagion is beginning to spread to my co-workers and staff - they were talking in the office today about "fall cleaning" and the destruction of unnecessarily stored paperwork.

And, the contagion is beginning to spread to the less tangible. As I was putting some needed and useful items back on the shelves at home my mind began to wander to all those unneeded habits and routines that do not add anything to my life. I started thinking about how much more time I would have to spend with my family, friends, and activities I used to enjoy - if I just change a few things. Fall cleaning - indeed!

Don't Panic! or Panic! which advise is right?

Over the last few weeks employees at my workplace have been contacting the human resources benefits office wondering what to do with their defined contribution retirement savings programs. There is no universal answer about what to do with 401K savings, invested in mutual funds, during a fluctuating and volatile market period. Also, as employers (not financial advisors), we are often reluctant to give advice in an area where we are not considered experts.

That said, employees will look to human resources and benefits professionals as experts regarding workplace investment programs such as 401K, 403b, or 457 type accounts. Speaking without knowing the facts, or remaining silent are both mistakes.

So, here are some possible words of wisdom from a friend of mine who is a financial professional and who has a calming demeanor:

"These past few weeks have been the most volatile and I have seen in my twelve year career in financial services. And, I have been handling numerous inquiries from participants as to what should be done. My message has remained: Stay the course / Don’t Buy High and Sell Low / If a mutual fund looked good at a share price of $20, it looks great at $14!

Here are some additional points made over the course of several discussions:
1) Think “long-term” … Most people have more than a decade and a half until they access the bulk of their retirement savings. Seeing that the market runs on 6.5 year cycles, there’s going to be at least two more “bull” markets in that time … ‘you gotta be in it to win it,’ per se.

2) Don’t rush to Bond Funds or the Plus Fund: With market conditions the way they are, you might not meet some retirement goals by staying invested in equities but, if you limit your potential returns, you definitely increase the likelihood that you will not meet retirement goals at all.

3) We will look back on this as the biggest buying opportunity in the history of the market. Everything is “on sale” and will probably continue to be so for the next year. Take advantage of low prices.

4) Don’t reduce your contribution, increase it. Yes, a primary use of an investment account is to increase wealth. However, qualified accounts such as 401K, 403b and 457 also provide a shelter from current taxes; lowering contributions will allow Uncle Sam to take more of your earnings. Plus … see #3 above!"

I thought those were words of good advice and passed them along to the employees where I work. Being silent sends a message that we don't care about the worries of our employees. Providing calming words of timeless advice from a calm, financial friend is a better option.

Let me know what you think - email sandra@skysthelimit-hr.com or take the quiz on this blog page!

Sometimes a tie is a win and a loss is a learning experience

Yesterday my son's soccer match had elements of a tie, a win, a loss and a lot of learning - especially by some of the parents who were spectators. Last spring in our community two very competitive soccer teams merged when one team's league folded. The coach of that team was picked up by the club my son had played for during the past several years. The "new" coach was put in charge of selecting what would become the "A" team for the club in my son's age division (14 to 15 year old boys). Since the boys from the folded club were much more well known to the new coach, many former "A" team members (my son included) were not selected for the new merged team, but were bumped to the "B" team. Also, several good players left the club for a different rival simply because of dissatisfaction with the merger.

It turns out that both the "A" and "B" team were considered to be on a par with each other as far as the State standings were concerned, and were placed in the same state league bracket. Yesterday was their first league game against each other.

In many ways the two teams are collegial - they are both in the same Club organization, they both include players from the former merged teams as well as other new-comers, and the parents of the players on both teams know each other and we do our best to be cordial even though there may be lingering resentments about who made the "A" squad versus the "B" squad.

The opinion of most of the "A" team parents is that their sons were going to "blow out" the "B" team and prove to the State league that they should have been placed in a higher competitive bracket in the league. The opinion of most of the "B" team parents is that their sons were equal to the "A" team in skill, although admittedly somewhat slower and smaller in overall player size and athleticism. The players themselves seemed to just want to play as hard and as well as possible - as they do for all games. They don't seem to be as "political" as the parents.

So, how did things turn out? The score was tied at zero to zero at half time. The teams had played quite evenly and no team dominated that first half. The "B" team parents felt that this was a definite win. The "A" team parents were stunned to learn that there was much less difference between these teams than expected. The players for both teams were frustrated, as ties are never viewed as wins from a player perspective.

In the second half (these are 40 minute non-stop halves at this age level), the edge went to the "A" team with their slightly better athleticism and with several minutes to go they finally put a ball into the goal after giving the "B" team goal keeper a major challenge. While the "B" team bounced back with an enthusiastic attempt to score in the remaining minutes, it was a hot (95 degree), sunny day and they were clearly tiring more than the "A" team. The final score - 1 to Zero for the "A" team.

Interestingly the "A" team players did not celebrate this win - they had let down their parents who expected a huge scoring difference. The "B" team players also did not celebrate, but they knew they had played hard and that they needed to improve their strength, speed and endurance. However, I think the parents learned the most from that game. And perhaps there will be less of those lingering doubts and resentments now that the parents of both teams have seen the terrific potential of all the players and the near-equals that these two teams are.

Wulfenite

Our household includes three orange tabby cats. Wulfenite is going on three years old, has medium length fur, is overweight and underactive. He is a confused cat, rarely having the instincts of a cat, often chasing (or hiding from ) shadows.

I believe his confused state of mind occurred when he was about five months old (although perhaps he was on the verge of confusion before this event). Wulfenite and his brother Teaky were rescued by our family from a household of non-cat lovers. They were dog people, but not cat and dog people, they just happened to tolerate a cat - Wulfenite's and Teaky's mother. So, the batch of kittens had been confined to an upstairs bedroom and a small cat-apartment. There had been no encouragement to go out to explore the rest of that house and little interaction with most of the people in the house. When we took the two cats, the former owners were both happy to have the kittens off their hands, but reluctant to give us wulfenite - it was clear to them that something might be wrong with him (in his psychological development). However, we always get cats in pairs and didn't want Teaky to be lonely, so we took the pair of them.

Teaky took good care of his brother. Wulfenite didn't speak (or meow), and mostly hid. But, Teaky spoke up for the both of them. The two kittens were both a little shy of exploring and even Teaky didn't see our entire house for about a week - even though we gave them free-reign. Wulfenite was even more timid of exploring than Teaky, but also managed to wander enough to find every closet or piece of furniture that he might be able to hide in.

One May evening, a couple of months after we got these two cats, the front door to our house must not have been closed tightly or locked before we all went to bed for the night. At this point, Wulfenite and Teaky had ventured out into the backyard - under our watchful eyes - a few times, but had never been out at night and had never been in the front yard. During a wind-storm, the front door must have blown open during the night and the cats must have gone out. Randy found the front door open and both cats gone at about 5 in the morning. Later, we found Wulfenite hiding in a closet, but extremely skittish and agitated - more so than before. We never saw Teaky again. We think Wulfenite knows what happened to Teaky, but he's not telling.

Ever since then, without Teaky to take care of him Wulfenite has become even more un-cat-like. He doesn't hunt, he doesn't like meat or other cat treats, he does like styrofoam packing peanuts, but I don't think they are good for his digestion. Wulfenite runs and hides often, even from the other members of the household - he doesn't just hide from strangers as many cats do. Wulfenite did once chase a rat in the backyard, but that was about a year ago - I think maybe some cat-like instinct must have kicked in for a moment. Also, Wulfenite does occasionally speak now - not like a cat, but he sort of makes a squeaking, croaking sound, so I think he has learned to make himself heard since he no longer has Teaky to meow for him. Sometimes, for very brief moments, Wulfenite has even been known to play with our other two cats. I'll have to write about them sometime - because that is a whole different story.

Moment of Truth - for Management

In the last couple of years management circles have begun to discuss "moments of truth" in relationship to having those difficult conversations that are necessary for process improvement, growth and development. Being able to "handle the truth" (in the fashion of Jack Nichelson's character from the movie "A Few Good Men") is essential to being able to solve problems, put them behind you and move forward.

Knowing that people are becoming more and more familiar with the term "moment of truth", when faced recently with a communication issue that had left hurt feelings within my staff members, and me questioning my own abilities, I requested a moment of truth conversation with my boss.

By specifically using the moment of truth phrase, my boss was alerted to the fact that the conversation might be a difficult one to "handle", but that it would be necessary to resolve a problem or make improvement. He was immediately prepared to not be evasive or defensive, but to listen to the problem and seek solutions.

The isssue to discuss boiled down to a breakdown in communications from the boss's office to my department and staff members. Due to the breakdown, my staff had hurt feelings and a perception that my boss did not trust them or our department. Luckily, due to using the moments of truth phrase to preface raising this issue, our focus was on problem resolution - not on blaming, evading, or covering up. It worked very well and I left the office that evening feeling better than ever about my work and my confidence in not only my job, but my staff. I couldn't wait to talk with the staff members the next day to share the moment of truth experience with them so that they could be a part of developing the solution.

I'd love to hear your comments or experiences in similar situations - let me know at sandra@skysthelimit-hr.com or by comment to this blog.

Regaining Trust

When I accepted a new position a little over two years ago, a few things happened that inadvertantly eroded some trust between me and one of my directly reporting employees. While the management position I now occupied had been vacant, this professional level employee took the position on an interim basis. Additionally, she and the previous manager had gotten along very well and had a personal friendship.

I came in and while we got along well, during the first six months or so on the job I found several compliance issues had been neglected by my predecessor - and presumably by this professional level employee as well. When I asked her about the history of the neglected, yet required programs, she was understandably embarassed not to have been aware of the compliance requirements.

I did not blame her for the shortcomings, because she did not know about them. However, I also took it upon myself to develop and implement the solutions to the problems, without involving this employee. I'm sure she felt marginalized, however I had become so absorbed in the problem-solving and the tasks of putting the new programs in place, that I was thoughtless in not noticing her feelings.

She retreated to lower level functional activities that did not require a lot of judgment, analysis or risk-taking. I encouraged her with my words to take more risks, engage in creative and innovative actions, and my words told her she was empowered to move forward. However, the marginalizing actions of my first year on the job spoke louder to her than my words.

Lately I've been giving some thought to how to regain the trust with this employee and how to once again let her know I believe in her professional judgement and want her to become engaged in the work again. I'd love to hear your words of advice or stories of similar situations and how you were able to repair them and once again provide motivation to your top talent.

Email me at sandra@skysthelimit-hr.com with your thoughts - or simply comment right here!

Cheers,
Sandra

Supervisory Responsibility for Human Resources Management

Okay, I have a question that came up in a course I teach in HR Management for the University of Phoenix. This course is for undergraduate students working on their bachelor's degree in business administration. The question is who is supposed to be managing human resources? Is it the human resources department? Or is it all the supervisors and managers in the organization?

In the broadest sense I spend much of my work day training, coaching, mentoring and guiding first line supervisors in how to deal with human resources issues in their departments. I truly see a Human Resources Department role as supplying the plans, strategies, procedures, tools, resources that managers need in order to do day in and day out Human Resources Management.

In my opionion, the HR Department does not manage the human resources of the organization - they are the providers of the organizational infrastructure used by supervisors and managers. I thought this point was stressed throughout the course in every functional discussion of HRM. Yet, I found that in the very last class when I asked who manages a company's human resources - the response was "The Human Resources Department."

I'm wondering if this means that in asserting our profession over the last 20 or so years, we have allowed supervisors to abdicate their human resources management responsibilities? Or perhaps I've got it all wrong - maybe HR is supposed to be managing the human resources of a company, so that supervisors and managers just need to manage the operational deliverables.

Let me know what you think: www.skysthelimit-hr.com

Cheers,
Sandra

Who Really Manages Human Resources?

My experience as a human resources practitioner for nearly 15 years has led me to a new question. Since the recognition of human resources management as an integral part of an organization's success, is that success tied to a company's Human Resources Department, or is it tied to the front line supervisors who actually manage the day in and day out activities of the companies human capital - the employees?

For next time - I'll explore this question more fully.

Cheers,
Sandra

Sandra Abbey
Sky's The Limit Human Resources Consulting, LLC
http://www.skysthelimit-hr.com/